"Dear! I saw you"

Dear, I used to wish we had never crossed paths again — not after all those years of being torn apart from each other. And yet, we did. When I saw you, glowing differently, your eyes more intense than I remembered. We were this close and at the same time, miles apart. For a moment, I was held by all the gravitational pull of the earth and remained frozen. But sadly, I escaped. Luckily, I didn’t. My heart was about to pop out. My soul almost left me. I didn't know if I had ever prepared for this moment. But I had imagined it in countless ways — mostly as strangers, though our eyes refused to lie. I looked at you and gathered every previous glimpse of you back into my heart.  I used to think imagining this moment would be melodramatic, like we’d run towards each other and embrace, just as Kafka once wrote:

“Dear Milena,

I wish the world were ending tomorrow. Then I could take the next train, arrive at your doorstep in Vienna, and say: “Come with me, Milena. We are going to love each other without scruples or fear or restraint. Because the world is ending tomorrow.” Perhaps we don’t love unreasonably because we think we have time, or have to reckon with time. But what if we don't have time? Or what if time, as we know it, is irrelevant? Ah, if only the world were ending tomorrow. We could help each other very much.”

But our meeting wasn’t like that. We spoke in unfamiliar tones, two people dragging behind them years of love and silence. We tried to fill the void, but instead, we pretended we could still read each other's hearts. I never thought we would become strangers. Yet there we were, wanting to know everything, but too hesitant to ask anything.

So, we walked away quietly, leaving behind the chaos of those empty years, only to disappear into more grieving ones.

~Aamna