"The Ends Before An End"

As soon as any trip ends, I feel anxious rather than relieved. I capture as many frames as my phone can handle so that I can relive them. I do imagine the ends; despite this, they make me uneasy. The so-called end of the living is death, albeit it fascinates me. The loop of ends is an abyss. Sometimes, I think of my final ending while going through the small endings day to day. This does not affect my day but surely the nights. I love observing. I stare at the ceiling or through the window like the zoned-out kid in the class. I had never been the kid who looked out of the window while the class was going on. I do not remember the exact moment which sowed the seed of zoning out. 

Death started fascinating after many instances. Initially, like everyone else, I was horrified and worried. When I read a short story, " The Last Leaf " by O. Henry, I could imagine myself there. I was in awe of this kinda convincing writing style.  There was a time when I watched, "Lootera" directed by Vikramaditya Motwane which somehow made me cry my heart out as witnessing the charm of Pakhi being paled till the end. The way the cinema of Masaan, Raanjhana and Highway portrayed death is heart-wrenching. Death is less talked about, and it still leaves a long-lasting impact on us.

It makes me laugh when I see myself planning for years despite I am not certain about the next second. But we all plan because we are hopeful for tomorrow and the day after. When I go back to yesterday and the day before, I can only be grateful. The breath is here. The aspirations are there. The strength to tackle the ordeals is being boosted. Life is uncertain; however, doing certain things lowers the uncertainty.

“When Does An End Come?”

When does an end come? 

When the soul leaves, 

Or the trees shatter leaves. 

When the body decides not to cope,

Or the nature denies hope.

When does an end come?

When the night outshines,

Or the day whines.

When the pen stops scribing,

Or the protagonist starts sobbing.

When does an end come?

When the dreams remain halfway,

Or the needs go a long way. 

When the memories stay stronger,

Or the moments last no longer.

~Aamna