"The Heart is Busy"

The most terrifying day, June 21, has passed. I did my best. The fear was futile. What I learned from that day is that no matter how terrified you are, in the end, you have to face it. And believe me, you will face it like a warrior.

The following week was spent worrying about the result. Gradually, I settled into a happy, peaceful state of mind. Since then, I have been doing nothing, just as I had planned. Roaming from one book to another. Not in the mood to watch films. Scrolling through Instagram and laughing my heart out at funny reels. Walking as if the world is ending tomorrow. For the first time in so many years, I am not really anxious about the future. And it amazes me, for someone like me who gets low when things don't go according to the blueprint.

While having a conversation with someone with whom I never think twice before saying or asking anything, I was asked a question about passion, and I had no answer. A few days have passed, and my mind is still stuck on that question. I still don't have an answer. Nothing comes to mind whenever I think about passion. But one thing I am sure of is that it is going to be a long hunt.

I have realised that I have many flaws. One of the flaws that makes me suffer on a personal level is becoming unreachable. People love me unreasonably, and I often give them reasons to wonder whether they really deserve it. It gets hard for me to express what I truly feel. Writing is a blessing, but sometimes being a writer is a curse. They find sentences that are framed, not raw. How do I convince people that writers feel things to the core and write because they can't say them?

The clouds are showering love. Nature is doing the monologue. Witnessing the sunrise and sipping coffee while entertaining bizarre thoughts. These days I am free, but my heart is busy.